a place and time unlit; part one

kadita_fog0221
in a year that began in darkness
of war, of death, of disconnect
a woman says to her lover
“take this breath… this life
“illuminate it”

her lover replies
“I’m scared…you know…
“of this world and what its people are doing to each other
“and to the earth”

they, together
do not know how to grasp the absurdity
of this reality
like the many millions before them
and the many after them
also

we’ll carry our fear with us
and learn to shake it
or rear it’s nasty head when shaken

so instead we are able to
carry our strength with us
we’ll nourish it
feed it
clothe it
or let it be naked
bathe it
lay it down when it needs rest
and make coffee for it when it wakes

we’ll carry our fear like arteries carrying our blood
we’ll learn to direct it away from our heart
into our intestines perhaps
to digest it perhaps

then we’ll
sit on the composting toilet
and throw sawdust over it
and in one – two years time
it will be changed, decomposed

picked up by the wind
like silt
like dust
tbc

….

danya and i walked around in the fields at the base of the south Jerusalem mountains yesterday morning
and on this walk
we heard booms! Booms! Booms! One After The Other; resonating in the not so far away distance;
resonating almost through my skin, touching my skeleton
we stop
and say
this is real
is this real?
and point in directions north south east west to understand where we are and what is near to us
then murmurs
we’re here

and although i am here with what is happening
and I can hear it, feel it
i still feel disconnected to it
it feels close
but it still feels
far away
like in the media

maybe it’s just because it’s just absurd
too absurd to be so close
too real to be real
and all of those roundabout ways of saying
maybe i’m a little scared,
not for myself though
scared maybe is the wrong word
sad
sad seems too empty too small
angry
angry is true

sad and angry
useless
hopeless
maybe
i get this gut feeling that almost creates the salt and water to fall
i could never be a photojournalist
my heart likes to weep and shed it’s skin

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